Tuesday, December 6, 2016
Elves is a 1989 horror movie directed by Jeffrey Mandel and starring Dan Haggerty, Julie Austin and Deanna Lund.
Kristen(Austin) is with her two pals, Brooke and Amy in the woods and she is performing some ritual as she hates Christmas. She cuts herself and her blood falls onto the ground. She and her pals go home but something is underneath the earth and it comes up. It is an ancient elf and her blood has awakened it. She lives with her mother (Deanna Lund) who is nasty to her and her grandfather(Borah Silver) who is an ex-Nazi guy. The elf follows her around and turns up at her work in a department store. She works in a snack bar and she meets a guy called Mike(Haggerty), an ex-detective who is looking for a job from the manager of the store. They chat for a few minutes and then when the elf murders the in-store Santa, he gets the job(I know, this sounds silly but just go with it!).
So, the story just gets weirder and weirder and it turns into a Nazi plot involving her grandad who knows about the elves etc. It is all a bit of a mess from here. Let me break it down. Mike finds a symbol on he ground beside the dead Santa. He goes to see a professor at the university and finds out that it has to do with a Nazi plot to create the perfect race, blending humans and elves(!). It turns out that the grandad impregnated his own daughter to create a perfect child who will mate with the elf!!!!!Wow. The child is Kristen and she is a virgin so she will mate with the elf. He is waiting around for the right time to get with her!
So,the grandad has pals who want Kristen and the elf so they can make the perfect child and bring their plan of creating the perfect race to reality. Mike tries to help Kristen to escape from them. The elf runs around looking completely lost. The elf kills Kristen's mother and does her a favour! Mike and Kristen run into the Nazis and they try and take her. Her grandad saves her by blowing them up with a grenade.The elf chases Kristen and finds her in the woods and he tries to get with her. He doesn't finish the job and she uses an elf stone given to her by her grandad to destroy him. She succeeds and the movie ends with her in the woods alone. There is a picture of a foetus as the credits roll suggesting that maybe he did manage to impregnate her.
This movie is silly and weird and mixed up and hilarious. I enjoyed it because it was so silly. I like these bad movies sometimes and this was worth my time. It is the season to be silly so if you want a laugh, then have a look at this! I will give it a 5/10 and that is because this made me smile!
Posted by Amanda at 12:52 AM